I am going to send him this link and I hope he reads it and it helps him to understand that I'm not a monster but instead struggling with a disorder. We are highly emotionally sensitive and have extreme difficulty regulating/modulating our emotions. Needless to say, if you have a loved one with BPD, life can be fraught with crises and conflict. I want to know that honesty and loyalty exist. I have BPD but don't currently have any medical insurance to be treated. My dad likely has BPD too because my mother lived through 30 years of marriage with this. I did drink, but it always leads me to dangerous places. My email is kristenwoods81@aol.con. Hi there, I am now in my 2nd month of treatment for BPD, and ,sadly, had all nine of the symptoms. A year ago, I could not have written this letter, but it represents much of what was in my heart but could not yet be realized or expressed. I am sorry you were scared. There is a FUTURE, just DONT GIVE UP, be STRONG, get HELP. Improve the Moment (and Your Life) with DBT, Interpersonal Effectiveness: DBT Skills at Work. Of course all of this makes me wonder..maybe i'm just lazy or _____ whatever.and then some family members think I *want* to be depressed or anxious or whatever (they think the origin was my mother's death, 20 yrs ago, but I was depressed before that and have told them). I keep reading things about how we cant love and that people should stay well clear of us, thankyou for writing this, my ex split with me, a week ago nd ive signed over my house coz she has nowhere to go, she jus thinks im trying to get back with her and has been told to cut all ties coz I will make her life hell, just feel so alone. Last week however i still was in the dark and thought i was just depressed. I want nothing more than get back with her but I dont know how to convey that I love her, that I would fully support her if she would be willing to explore and face this and wont leave. My hope is that you will gain new insight into your loved ones condition and grow in compassion and understand for both your loved one AND yourself, as this is not an easy road. Thank you for taking the time to leave this kind comment, and more importantly, for the wonderful work you are doing to help hurting people. Would you mind if I reposted it on my blog (beautyandtheborderline.wordpress.com)? And I know that my reaction to him is so very. Its as if we havent outgrown that. I am currently single, but hoping that someday she comes back to me and we can have the life together that i so know God chose for us Whatever your doing don't quit, don't run, fight, struggle.. you deserve to be loved. This letter might help on the explaining part, but the latter? All Rights Reserved. My wife got me a book back in 2004 called Walking On Egg Shells that has helped me so very much. My intention was to describe the difficulty while remaining brief. Seventy-five percent of those diagnosed with BPD are women in their child bearing age (Lamont, 2006). As a result, people with BPD frequently experience emotional invalidation that is, others react to their emotions as if those emotions are not valid or reasonable. Intense Emotions: When Present Events Trigger Past Trauma. A Brief Look at My Life with Borderline Personality Disorder. I tried to help her by pleading not to go back to the guy after he choked her (!!!) My wife says she is learning a lot but she is still barking orders and yelling and telling me I am not doing things right on her behalf. Offer to visit the doctor with them, spend quality time with them doing something you both enjoy, and tell them you love them. About 1.7% of American adults have BPD in any given year, according to the National Institute of Mental Health. All in all today I am successfull in all that I set my mind on to do. Thank you for being who you are. It was a touch and go for 3 days. It can be hard to witness someone's pain, and one of the pitfalls for therapists is to lose faith in the person going through the therapy, particularly when building up one's own DBT skills. Explore the different options for supporting our mission. Hay Debbie, I can relate to so much of this. P.S. Listening to your loved one and acknowledging their feelings is one of the best ways to help someone with BPD calm down. Not what i wanted but almost lost all since of myself. She is restarting DBT group in a few weeks. Until I got out of all the physc stuff , non groups and started to directly talk or better said listen to those that suffer from BPD I really had no idea. BPD expert and author, Randi Kreger, likens it to "having 'aural dyslexia,' in which they hear words and sentences backwards, inside out, sideways, and devoid of context.". I'm really glad she did; now I can see mistakes that I've made dealing with her, and I know how to be a better and more supportive husband. "It was a sort of love few other people could understand. I am wondering what to do to help her. It was both painful and hopeful to read it. But this will always prompt you to accept/refuse cookies when revisiting our site. An curved arrow pointing right. I wish I had read this 6 year's ago. 4. wow. I am praying for you, too. Once diagnosed BPD, always BPD. After finally being diagnosed with BPD after hospital stays, hurting multiple people, trying med after med and more. This extreme, black or white thinking and experience of totally opposite desires is known as a dialectic. I got therapy, I asked for help and got it. I could have given it to my husband and things may have been different. Thank you for reading this. By sharing your experience, you can let others know that they are not alone. I need them to but as an outcast to society, I dont see it. The struggle may get easier, but it will always be there. She blew up, tore into me for a good 30 minutes before breaking up with meshe breaks up every time she gets mad, then acts as though it had never happened a few hours later, or the next day). Or if you don't deserve that because there is nothing for them to "understand" because i have no real excuse for being this weak pathetic crazy annoying and hurtful person? They have the ability to support the BPD. She has a 12 month lease but says she may come back sooner if go into rehab for her ( I am working on my issues with a therapist). You believe you cant get close to anyone because you will love them so much, and they will inevitably hurt you in one way or another, and you will overreact and do or say something that ensures they decide they cant be around you. But I want him back. We may take on the attributes of those around us, never really knowing who WE are. 1. We can learn how to stop sabotaging our lives and circumstancesand we can learn to behave in ways that are less hurtful and frightening to you. I've spent time in mental health institutions, in therapy, I have made attempts on my own life and I'm 25 years old - I feel I have been through things that most people don't go through until they are much later on in life. This is my second year . 1. I held on to you so tightly then, and I still do now because, to me, you are the answer, you are the only person in the world. My boss surely think I'm a nutcase. I was diagnosed with BPD about seven years ago. They see the behavior as maladaptive, as troubled, as abnormal. Thanks again. Live life to the fullest. this was so encouraging. This seems to be at the crux of NPD, the refusal to show vulnerability. First of all I want to commend you on your progress and all the hard work that I am sure you have gone through to get to where you are now, especially having the courage to write this letter. Life is such a struggle. If you are serious about hurting yourself, I need to ask you to please get medical attention right away. I have read through a lot of your blog and so much of it sounds like me. The mind is very complex. They may do this without regard for others or possible consequences. I have never sought treatment (aside from counseling) for my BPD, because mostly group therapy is suggested and the last thing I want to do is talk to a bunch of strangers about my problems . However, looking back, all the signs were there, but I just didn't see them. I suspect that my ex-wife is BPD, but I am at a loss to deal with it because she is completely unaware. please know that at the very same time that we are pushing you away with our words or behavior. But I would like to point out that I am not (neither are other people with this disorder) hopeless to date. Privacy I'm very grateful for his letter, Christine. I worked as part of a DBT team during the last few years before my retirement. , Oh Debbie, once again, you have kept it real. The emotion can easily become unbearable, which is when the BPD takes control. I got new "tools" to manage my feelings and how I feel about my self. I am sorry I was selfish. Mahari, a Canadian woman and Life Coach now 52 years old, who recovered from Borderline Personality Disorder 14 years ago writes an open letter to all who have been, as she was at the age of 19, diagnosed with BPD. Also, I was a VERY positive person just a few years agoI was even called a Pollyanna! I shouldn't have apologised, and this time I won't. A person with BPD can act in impulsive and often dangerous ways. I guess I'm not doing that well enough. , I agree with your insights and appreciate that you took the time to comment here. You deserve to understand more about this condition and what we wish we could say but may not be ready. Its that extreme. At this point, "there is no escape" from my mind. It was so helpful to me. We havent outgrown this. She told me the other day that I didn't need to be hospitalized or need medications because now i have a job. Most of my family doesnt believe in my diagnosis, and any friend I ever made has left because of the brief periods of time when I couldnt control my emotions. She called asking for me to send her some clothes and stuff so she could relocate to a homeless shelter to take IOP. You have said all the things I've always wanted to say to the people who are or who have been in my life. Please be aware that this might heavily reduce the functionality and appearance of our site. Tell us how mental illness has affected your life. People with BPD have various triggers that can set their symptoms in motion. Hello thank you so much for sharing. Thank you for your heartfelt comment in response to my letter. He is aware of his disorder and I saw him fought many times. Debbie, Hi Kat thank you so much for sharing. . You are not the cause of our suffering. It will help many (like me) who haven't put all these beautiful words and explanations together in such a succinct and informative way.You should be very proud of this as you have quite a command of BPD and how to present it in a respectful and honest manner. This is just another manifestation of BPD. Enough said. It lays out the facts while giving room for the Non in the person with BPD's life options. Just let her know I sent you, and she'll be happy to point you in the right direction. Copyright 2021 NAMI. I would be very pleased to share it with you. Whenever that happens it takes her many days to recover, during which periods she will vacillate between seeming to be okay, and seething, and saying things like "I don't trust you. In addition to learning more about BPD and how to self-care around it, be sure to do things that you enjoy and that soothe you, such as getting out for a walk, seeing a funny movie, eating a good meal, taking a warm bath whatever you like to do to care for yourself and feel comforted. I am doing 99% better now that I got proper treatment for the eating disorder. That some people really are willing and even eager to help, and that makes me smile every damn time. I figured it out, but only through trial, error, therapy, a good online support group and a lot of introspection and self-care on my part. Madeline Richardson. It's nice to hear this from a BPD perspective. Debbie,I just LOVE LOVE LOVE your honesty and compassion. This letter really hits hard. I LOVE lashing out at my supportive boyfriend (thank GOD he is learning about this). She also has recently gotten more busy and a tighter finical situation. It was good to find your site. Thankyou, once again, for putting your heart and soul open for us to share.xx. All of this is new to me, just as it is with so many others, and as much as I would love the help of regular therapy I know that I have to help myself - but it is HARD. My mother talks to her and says she doesn't even sound like the person we used to know. It's seriously messed up. Not doing anything to make it happenjust wondering why it hasn't. I have emotionally detached myself quite well this time I think. Thank you. Everyone is that way for different reasons so how do you know if you deserve for example to write a letter like this to give people around you so they can "understand" and not feel so bad about the whole situation. this doesn't work for everyone, at all. Mental health Carers Helpline. Am not ( neither are other people with BPD calm down out that I set my mind she... And often dangerous ways shelter to take IOP happy to point you in the dark thought. 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